What Workout Plan Should I Do?

Some days, I sit in the car when I get home from work. Tired, weary from a long and arduous day of the office and its drama. I am parked in the garage of my house and my wife doesn’t know I am home yet. I will turn off the car, sink down into my seat, close my eyes, and just listen to the quiet for a few moments after my painfully long day and energy-sucking drive home. I almost take a mini-nap–almost. So tired. So weak. I have nothing in my tank. Just want to watch TV and veg. I am done.

Then I get out of the car, go upstairs, put on my workout gear and do it.  It hurts like hell, and I hate it. But I do it.

To be completely honest, I hate working out. HATE IT.  I don’t understand the people who say they love working out, going for a run, lifting weights, etc.

It hurts. You get sweaty. You stink. You hurt afterwards.

But I still do it. And so should you.

You must, simply MUST work out at least 5 times a week. I recommend 7 days a week. You’re fat. Once you get to your goal size, you can drop it to 3 days a week, but while you are trying to lose fat, you need to be kicking it every day. Stop whining. As a matter of fact, stop reading this right now and go workout. I will wait.

<waiting> <surfs the internet for a while>

You’re back?

Feel better? Good.

No, you don’t need a “day of rest”. Did our ancestors get days of rest or did they go out and work every day? We sit at damn desks all day typing, drinking coffee with sugar and cream, and eating chocolate candies we sneaked from Bob’s candy jar on his desk. Our ancestors worked their asses off all the time because they had to, to survive. And their DNA is pretty much ours. We simply aren’t made to sit down all day.

All you need to do is work your ass off for one out of 24 hours a day. ONE HOUR. That’s 4% of your entire day. The other NINETY SIX PERCENT you can fuck off all you want! And yeah, I’m not letting you off with a weak ass 30 minute workout. If you do a 30 minute workout DVD, you spend the rest of the time doing something else like treadmill or something to keep that heart rate up. Remember:


You need to work out as much as your fat gross body can handle. Do you have bad knees? Do you have bad hips? Do you get out of breath when tying your shoes? Shaving your legs? Can you even cross your legs? Do you lift folds of skin to wash under them? Do you not take baths because you can’t stand to see yourself naked sitting down? Do you put deodorant in places it wasn’t meant to go? Do you have a FUPA?

Then you — yes YOU — sort it out.

You figure out what you can do and you do it, by God.  If all you can do is the treadmill for an hour do it. If all you can do is a cardio video you bought on amazon for 10 bucks, then you do it. If you can only walk to the end of your block and back, do it. If you are too damn embarrassed for anyone to see your fat ass working out, then walk in the backyard, walk around your house. No money? Do push ups. Do sits up. There is NO EXCUSE for you not working out. If you can afford to buy a whole plan on the internet, then do it. DO something. If all you can do is run in place, do it. If you can’t run because of your knees, buy some dumb bells and start lifting weights. Yes, you will be out of breath the first few times you do it. Yes you will have to stop a lot more than the people in the video to take breaks. Yes you will fucking be in AGONY after your first few workouts. This is not negotiable.

Remember when I said you don’t workout to lose weight? You don’t. You workout for four reasons:

1. To stabilize yourself when you don’t eat right.
2. To get your body in to shape so you can do longer and harder workouts. (this plays in part with the first)
3. To get your metabolism up.

 By the time you’re where you need to be, even if you still have fat on you, your underlying structure will be firmer and more resilient. You will have muscles. (Remember we all have 6-pack abs. You just have all that fat surrounding them. Hell so do I.) You will be able to run for a long time, you will be able to do the cardio workouts and complete them. You have to build up your inner foundation under that fat. You have to get your lungs to function better.  Once those things start to happen, you will be able go harder and longer. Which means you’ll burn more calories. Don’t change your calories yet. Until you really start to see a significant difference in your body shape (other people will tell you they see a difference).

But you will never get there if you don’t get your fat ass off this web site and get out of that chair and start bending at the waist.

I’ve had sore knees, pulled heel muscles, pulled back muscles, pulled shoulder muscles, aching everything. I have a hernia too. But I keep going. It’s not easy, but it’s worth it.

Oh and one more thing: I workout almost every day (just finished a 90 minute one–burned 1200 calories) so if I slip up on my eating, my body seems to equalize it better. When I was doing Medifast, if I messed up and had a hamburger and chips for dinner one night, the next morning that “2 pounds a week healthy weight loss” was gone. My weight was up those two pounds and THE ENTIRE WEEK OF EATING RIGHT seemed like a waste, so why was I even on the damnable diet to begin with? (This wasn’t precisely true, but it’s how I felt–and your feelings and emotions are just as important as your lifestyle. It’s sooooo easy to just give up) Like I said, when I work out, if I have some pizza, I don’t worry, and the scale isn’t usually up too much the next day. Working out equalizes your eating. That’s it. You still have to follow a healthy diet.

Here’s what I do:

I try to workout 7 days a week. (Remember, I am still fat just like you!)

I have completed Insanity and have completed Les Mills Combat. I still got a lot more to lose. I do have a few other videos by Jillian Micheals and Bob Harper (the Biggest Loser peeps). They were cheap, only 10 bucks.

So what this does is give me a good “group of videos”. (Yes, I am a DVD workout person. I don’t like other people watching my fat ass jump around and look stupid. You do what works for you.) I pick one I want to do every day as long as it’s close to an hour in length. I also wear my heart rate monitor (remember Lesson 5). This tells me an estimate on how many calories I burn in a workout. My goal every day is to burn 1000 calories. Why? Because it permits me to eat more. (and here you thought I was a simpleton!) I don’t always eat more, but if I do slip up a little, it’s okay. You should still always endeavor to have a pretty healthy diet.

Every fourth day I pump iron. I have the luxury of having a workout bench with a bar and dumb bells. It sat in my garage for 8 years gathering dust. Now it’s in my bedroom.

On the days I pump iron, I do my entire body in one day. I do compound movements. Bench press, dead lift, chin ups, etc. Takes me about 30 minutes to do it all. Then I hit my treadmill or my elliptical. I have both (I bought them ten years ago and am just now using again).

I try not to take a day off. I let my body tell me when it needs a break. And it will. I get tired in my bones, which is hard to quantify I know, that’s all I can do to describe it. But our friend, “life” gets in the way. Sometimes I can’t workout on days where I have to be at work all day and then have evening plans ( I am not a morning person) So that’s my day off. I schedule my days off every week.

Remember how I told you your weight loss plan is weekly, not monthly (Lesson 1)? This is where that comes into play. Every week, look it over, having a decent idea on when you can work out. And plan your week. I am able to work from home some days, so if I know I have plans TWO evenings, one of those days I work from home and work out over my lunch.

Oh and weekends? I workout EXTRA long. Why not!? I got nothing else to do. I once pushed it to 2000 calories in 90 minutes. Man I was a MACHINE that day.

I also ensure I always work out on a completely empty stomach. There are conflicting ideas out there on this, but I have gone with the side that says: if there’s nothing in your stomach for your body to burn for energy, it will first burn the sugar in your muscles, and then will burn the fat in your…well, fat.

The deal is, you have to plan this out and you have to WANT to do it. If you don’t want to do it, why are you even reading this? Go eat a doughnut or a some enchiladas or something.






*Oh and if Nike tells me to take that image down, I will. It’s their’s after all. But it’s so damn appropriate.


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